30: Looking Glass

adult language

What do I do now? Gabriella floundered as she leaned against the barn wall. He said I could go. Do I want to go? I never expected him to say I could leave. 

In a daze, she walked over and picked up her suitcase. She dusted it off and put it in her car. She dumbly walked back into the house to get her magical tome.

She picked up the book and held it to her chest. Her mother had wanted to steal it. Gus probably told her to do it.

As she grabbed the last of the things she wanted to take, she asked herself, Do I want to leave? Where will I go? I can't stay at a hotel forever. I really liked my little house. It was close to town. I could walk almost anywhere. Then Nate has to go and ruin that!

Whatever. I'm leaving.

She headed out to her old car, Lucille. She didn't see Nate, but she knew he was in the stables. She guessed Reggie was getting an earful about her.

Nate had finished grooming Reggie when he heard Gabby's hunk of junk start up. She's really leaving. What am I gonna do?

 He slammed his head into the barn's wall, heartbroken, as he heard her drive away.

He numbly walked into the the house. It felt so empty without her. I've lived alone for decades. I actually used to enjoy living alone.

He stomped up to Gabby's room in a wordless haze. He could still smell her. She just has to come back. She just has to, he thought as he landed face down on her bed, his face pressed into her pillow.

Gabby parked her car at the local motel to rent a room. In the motel office's window she saw an advertisement for a traveling fair. It would arrive in a week. Well, I know where I'll be in a week's time. And Nate will be with me.

She opened the door and walked into her room. It smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and stale beer. Well, what should I expect? Cheap rate, cheap looking room.

She went and stared at herself in the mirror.

What are you doing?
I'm escaping Nate. He was practically holding me hostage.
So what? He was only worried about you.
He was trying to seduce me at every turn. Any time I did something nice. Well, any time the mood struck him.

Come off it, Gabriella. You know you wore that dress on purpose. You knew he'd react like that. In fact, you wanted him to. Why are you angry he did what you wanted?
Because he did more than I expected.
Oh really?

Okay, he did exactly what I expected. Then I had to go and be a bitch and eat that garlic when I knew he wouldn't like it.
Then of course he avoided you. Why are you sad because of that?
I wasn't sad so much as angry. He ... alright so I missed him which made me sad.
So you moved out ... because you missed him?
I moved out because I was tired of being a prisoner!

You were the only one that thought of yourself as a prisoner.
......
Oh.... and to prove that point, he let you go. You know he's hurting right now, and it's all your fault. He fucking loves you and you love him yet you have a funny way of showing it! He has to fucking seduce you because that's the only way he could get any inkling that you loved him! Yes, he wants you. That's normal!
....

So, you have to decide. Do you want him to ignore you or are you going to allow yourself to love him?
I don't want him to ignore me. I didn't like that at all.
So... that leaves you with...

I'm afraid.
Of what?
I'm afraid of being in love. Look what it did to my father.
....
How do I know Nate isn't going to hurt me?

You have to trust him. Plus... girl, are you forgetting you're psychic?
Daddy was psychic too, apparently. That didn't stop Mom.
Nate isn't your mother.
....

You can trust him.

"I want to take a nap." she said to the empty room. Then she shook her head, berating herself for talking to herself like a crazy person before she pulled off the bed's comforter to sleep on the somewhat-cleaner sheets.

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I've always wanted to use the face-down pose. :)