33: Carnival

Adult language

Now I know why I keep dreaming about running in an annoyingly huge skirt and it tripping me up. I finally remember more of the dream. The dancing earlier must've done the trick. Gabriella tried to hide from Nate's wide-eyed expression. Nate was asking her what her having had that dream meant.

"I'm not sure. I've always had dreams along those lines. Only tonight I can remember more." she tried to explain as Nate's grip on her upper arms almost hurt.

Nate slackened his grip, but he was far from relaxed. "Yes, you're already starting to forget, but I have them in my memory now." He tried and failed to control the huge onslaught of emotions running through him as he said, "Gabby, all that really happened. You remember it like you were there. I'm starting to wonder if you were there."

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm this woman in my dreams reincarnated or some such nonsense?" she asked and started feeling uncomfortable. She didn't want to give Nate false hope, and she also didn't want him thinking she was this other woman he'd been engaged to before he was turned by Gus.

"Stranger things have happened. Hell, vampires are real. So are witches... and psychics. Why can't reincarnation be real too?" Nate said as he sat on the bed and twiddled his thumbs, thinking.

Gabriella curled up into a ball. She didn't want him thinking she was this Helen person. She wanted him to love her for her, not because Helen missed him and decided to be reincarnated. Although, if that were the case then she was always meant to reincarnate since it happened. Oh, let's not get started on that time/space continuum thing... my brain will explode.

Nathaniel chuckled aloud at her thoughts. "I missed you" suddenly whispered in his head. A memory from an earlier dream came back to the surface. That was a Helen that looked an awful lot like Gabriella. But if that was Helen saying that then how could Gabby be Helen at the same time? Unless...

"You've always had dreams like this?" he asked her, and watched her as she voiced her response.

"Yes. The most frequent one is the running. Constant running, running, running and never making it where I want to be in time." she answered and started picking at the bedspread.

"Um, can you remember if you had a dream like that the night before we threw August out?" he asked, trying to figure something out.

She nodded her head. "I don't really remember the dream, but I remember being very happy you were there when I woke up because the dream was sad. At least, part of it was." she said.

"Part of it..." he almost asked.

"I know there was another part because I remember remembering another part, but it's gone now." she told him and watched as his eyes widened again. "Nate, stop it. You're making me uncomfortable. Don't do this. I know what you're thinking." 

She got up from the bed and told him she was going to go get dressed.

Nate again wished he could cry. He wasn't quite sure which emotion wanted to bring on the tears the most: joy, grief, hope, or excitement. What if she's not? I'd better not do this to her, as she asked. He got up to rummage in his dresser for something to wear.

He got distracted by his thoughts before he could even open the dresser. But what if she is? WHAT IF SHE IS?!

I have a pretty damn good idea what the 'questions we need answered' will be.

He let out a huge, ragged sigh.

If it's true then Helen really loved me... loves me. If it's true then she found me again. Or maybe it was set up so that we were predestined to meet. Well, according to Gabby everything is predestined.

He huffed out a breath of air and paced around the room. Don't. Don't. Don't. Don't think it. Don't get your hopes up. It doesn't matter if Gabby is Helen or not. I love her as much or more than anyone in my whole existence.

It's too late. The idea is already there. I just have to constantly remind myself that it might not be true. Even though I'm pretty damn sure it is. Shit! Stop it!

They think the same. They act the same. There's this .... look ... that Gabby gives me that reminds me of her. Well, for pretty good reason it probably will turn out to be. Stop it!

They even almost look the same.

Nate made an almost whining noise as he put his head in his hands. I know in my heart it has to be true, but the chance it isn't means I've set myself up and I'm going to be almost heartbroken. And that's not fair to Gabriella. When is the carnival?

Gabriella walked into the room to find Nate with his head in his hands. She only saw him that way for a split second before he almost instantaneously took on a more casual pose.

"You're thinking it, aren't you?" she accused.

"I can't help it now." he said as he looked at her, then at the floor, then back at her again.

Gabby spun around on the spot and stomped out of the bedroom. Nate went and sat on his couch to try and not think about it anymore. He failed utterly.

The week passed quickly for the two of them. Nate had a difficult time getting Gabriella to push past her limits as far as intimacy was concerned. Now she accused him of thinking of Helen all the time. He tried to remind her that he'd loved her even before the question was raised that she could be Helen.

The two of them slept in on the morning of the first day for the fair. They'd had a grueling argument the night before so they both were exhausted.

"Well, at least I know what I'm going to wear." Gabriella said as she got ready.

"What if it's not today? Are you going to wear the same dress tomorrow?" Nate asked as he sat on the bed and watched her pull out her dress.

"It'll be today." she said optimistically.

Nate walked up to her and put his hands on her face. "Why don't you just ask whatever it is that gives you the visions if it's true?"

"Don't start that again! I told you. I wanna hear it from somebody else." she said as she scowled at him.

The carnival was enormous. They both wondered how a town as small as the one they were in could host such a shindig. 

Nate found a booth where he could shoot bottles and win a prize. It didn't take him long to read the man running it's mind to figure out that the guns were not aligned properly. Once he figured that out, he adjusted his aim and blew everything away, earning a huge, tacky stuffed animal for Gabriella. She tried to hide her excitement that she finally got the experience of having a boyfriend win her something at a fair, but she didn't hide it very well. Nate just grinned.

The two of them went around to the different sections of the fair, enjoying the sites and rides as the sun set.

They heard a voice come up behind them and say, "Oh! How wonderful! You found each other!"

The pair of them slowly turned around and saw before them the woman from Gabriella's vision.

The woman had her hand over her heart in a hopeless romantic gesture. "This is so rare! You're very lucky that she was willing to do it all over again for you."

I can't read her, Nate thought. I wish I could so I could know what she's talking about. I wonder... is it witches or psychics that do that to me?

"Come, come. You have questions for me that I will gladly answer for free. It warms my heart to see the two of you together." the woman gushed as she beckoned them closer.

Nathaniel couldn't help but feel suspicious of the woman as they entered the tent. He stood and watched her carefully for any signs of fraud; however, the fact that he couldn't read her played in her favor.

"Yes, I've come to you to get some answers." Gabriella asked as the woman looked thoughtful.

Gabriella looked up at Nate and she gave him an 'I told you so' look, meaning that yes, today was the day.

The lady turned to her and said, "I'm guessing you don't know who you are."

"Shouldn't you already know that?" Nate asked in a clipped tone.

The woman's heavily make-uped eyes cut over to him as she said, "I would hope that you understand the way I am since she's the same way. The more I predict, the more it takes out of me physically. I can't just go around predicting constantly. Most of the time, yes, I fake it. In fact, I just wear this clothing because that's what my customers expect to see."

Then her expression softened as she asked Gabriella, "Why haven't you tried to find the answers you seek on your own? You're more powerful than I am."

Gabby blushed as she admitted, "I'm not very good at it. I used to only get the ones forced upon me until very recently." She felt a little better when the woman grimaced, understanding immediately. "Also," she continued, "I want someone else to find out for me. I think it would make it more real... less like I feel like that's what's supposed to be true or I want to be true."

Understanding again crossed the woman's face. "You don't know who you are, do you?"

"I suspect I know." she answered.

Nate felt cross about how Gabriella momentarily hoped the woman would contradict her.

The woman nodded again then said, "Alright. You wish to know who you are... or should I say were."

"Yes." Gabby answered.

"I'll ask." the woman said simply. Then they all were quiet while the woman completely relaxed. She gasped once and then was quiet again.

While they waited, Nate wondered how the woman had known that Gabriella went through something again for him (he assumed she meant life in general), implying that she knew without trying that he was a vampire.

"Helen Stone." the woman said, and Nate had that feeling that he needed to sit down that he hadn't had for over a century. 

He stared at the woman. He couldn't bring himself to look at Gabriella just yet.

"You're in danger." the woman spoke again. "That's not fair. You go through all this trouble only to fall victim to another vampire's greed."

"Fall victim?" Gabby asked, sounding worried.

"It wouldn't let me see the outcome. I'm sorry." the woman really looked upset she couldn't answer the question.

Gabriella swallowed. She couldn't bring herself to look at Nathaniel just yet either. She asked, "So, I'm Helen Stone?"

"You were Helen Stone. Now you're Gabriella Hudson." she answered and Nate fully believed her now.

"What does that mean?" Gabriella asked the question that Nate was thinking.

"It means that Helen's life is over, but your soul remains of course. You're Gabriella."

"You make it seem like we're two different people now. Which is it? Am I her or not?"

"You are, or were, but you must also realize that this life has given you different experiences than the last one did, molding you into a different person. Or.. an effort at improvement as some believe." The woman now turned to Nate and said, "Nathaniel is your soul mate. Again, not fair that he was taken from you and you from him. I knew this without trying, as can sometimes happen."

There was a small pause as the pair of them took in what the woman had said.

Then Nate couldn't stand it anymore, and he practically flew around the table and swiftly pulled Gabriella into his arms. He didn't care that the woman was watching as he passionately kissed Gabby.

Gabriella felt overwhelmed as Nate kissed her. She felt a little jealous. He had all the memories. The only memories she had of her past life she got in her dreams, and those mostly disappeared when she woke.

Nate suddenly broke the kiss, thanked the woman, pulled out his wallet, and gave her the entire contents, eliciting a giggle from the lady. She tried to tell him it wasn't necessary, that she'd said it was free, but he'd rushed out of the tent too quickly for her to say it, pulling Gabriella behind him. She shrugged her shoulders and started counting.

Nate quickly scanned their surroundings for a place where they could go talk. Finding one, he pulled Gabriella through the crowd as fast as she was able to go. He felt sixteen again.

"Nate, slow down! You're going to pull my arm out of my socket!" Gabby gasped. She figured they'd ended up where Nate wanted to go when he pulled her up against the side of a temporary structure. She had barely caught her breath when he started kissing her again.

Nathaniel felt his heart would surely burst with all the love he felt at that moment. He still could hardly believe it. Helen! She came back! Gabriella! His soul mate! One in the same! No longer did he feel guilty about any lingering feelings he had for Helen, nor for loving Gabby, making him feel like he was cheating on Helen's memory. 

He pulled back a little since Gabriella begged him for air. It wouldn't do to have her fainting right now.

Gabriella shook. She closed her eyes and merely focused on breathing. She felt overwhelmed again. She worried that now Nate only loved her because she was once Helen. The idea caused her pain.

"Gabby, open your eyes and look at me." Nathaniel said to her thoughts.

For the first time since the lady told her who she'd been, she locked her gaze with Nate's. She felt stripped away of everything, leaving only her soul looking back at his. Her eyes filled with tears.

Nate felt jealous of her tears. "I love you, Gabriella. I loved Helen, and up until a few moments ago I actually felt guilty about it. Can you imagine my joy at finding out you are one in the same?"

"But..." she tried to form her thoughts into words.

"Absolutely not." he answered her anyway. "I loved her. I love you. I love - you. How can I not? Also, remember I loved you even before we suspected." he said and smiled at her. "Don't be jealous of yourself."

"But I don't remember!" she cried.

"Somewhere, you do." he said as he held her chin while she sighed in a defeated manner. He pulled her to him and said, "How can I make you understand?"

"I think I get it. I'm like... the sequel. Same story, different book. The next volume in a series."

"A little like that, yeah." he said, but something about the way she said it scared him to death. A series... No, not again. I'm not going through that again! Don't leave me!

Gabriella felt confused as to why Nate suddenly squeezed her tightly in an almost desperate way. "What is it?" she asked quietly.

"I can't stand the thought of losing you again. I'm talking about the vision... and the near future."

She tilted her head up to look at him as she said, "Nate, I don't want to become a vampire. I can't stand the thought of leaving you, but I don't want to be turned."

"I know." he said. Then his voice sounded very determined as he said, "But you know very well that's not going to stop me from trying anyway."