39: Not Dead Yet

     Nate stood in the doorway to the bedroom he now shared with Gabby, and his heart ached when he thought of the near future.
     That pack wanted her to fetch some ball for them. Huh, dogs want their toy. They should 'fetch' it themselves.

      He considered the danger they would place themselves in should they wind up retrieving the item. To deliberately place her in the path of his maker was unthinkable! The very idea infuriated and scared him. He couldn't help but feel that doing so would only encourage the actual happening of the vision.

     She should just let me go ahead and turn her. It's going to happen. Why can't I just do it now and we avoid the potential danger?

     He walked up to Gabriella and said as calmly as he could manage, "Gabby, just let me turn you. I'm afraid for you." He could immediately feel her mild anger as she thought her words before she said them.

     "So, kill me now?" she spat back at him. He worked very hard to keep from rolling his eyes. She continued, "Because that's what you'll do, you know. Even if it works -"

     "It will work."

     " - I'll still be dead."

     "So I'm dead? Is that what you're saying?" he sent back to her.

     She floundered around for a minute for something to say, but he could tell that that's what she thought.

     "You are. That's exactly what you think." he stated, hurt.

     "Nate .... " she said as she started towards him.

     "No." he said as he backed away.

     "But technically, you are."

     "Altered. I'm not dead. Yes, my regular life ended, but I'm not dead." he spoke with mild pain in his voice.

     "I don't wanna become a vampire."

     With a sense of desperation. he let the sudden anger get the better of him as he yelled, "The you'll die! You know I can't let that happen!"

     "I don't want to die! Neither do I want to be turned!" she nearly yelled back.

     "I'm sorry, but you have to choose one or the other! Scratch that -- you know I'm gonna try! Why does it have to be in such a terrifying moment? It's such a simple thing to do!"

     "Have you ever actually done it?" she asked, almost knowing the answer.

     Nate swallowed. "No. I've never wanted to do this to someone else."

     "Exactly!" she yelled. "And yet you're going to do it to me! Or, at least try to."

     He walked up to her and grasped her arms before he begged, "Please, Gabriella. Please don't leave it to fate. It would be so much easier if we picked the time and place."

     "That's how it's going to happen. I don't want to leave you, but I just can't stand the thought of becoming a vampire." Her face looked pained as she watched the hurt cross his face.

     "So, we're at an impasse, exactly as the vision portrays. You don't want it, but I do." A desperate look came into his eyes before he said, "You realize I could just overpower you and do it anyway."

     "Don't!" she cried, and her face showed her panic.

     "I just can't lose you again!" He clutched her to him as he continued, "Don't you know I love you now more than ever?" His fingers ran through her hair. "If you die, I'm going to just let the sun take me. I'm not living without you."

     "Nathaniel!"

     "I mean it, Gabriella." He stopped her protest with a kiss. However, she continued to berate him in her thoughts, but they had no effect on him.

     He kissed her down the column of her throat. "Let me do it." he insisted.

     "No." she whispered.

     "What if I'm too late to save you?"

     "I don't know. I just know I don't want it."

     "Why?"

     "It's a torturous existence, Nate. And to never again walk in the sun and enjoy the feel of its warmth? I don't want that." She froze as his teeth grazed her neck, simply dragging themselves across her skin.

     "Many people lead a torturous existence, Gabby. Being a vampire isn't the worst. The worst is living your life without the one you love when they've been taken from you. I don't know how I found the strength to go on last time. I just had this vague hope that now I understand I guess, but I can't do that again."

     Tears escaped her eyes as she remembered her dreams.

     He spoke of her thoughts, "That's exactly what I mean." He lovingly kissed the side of her face.

     "No, Nate." she reiterated.

     Panic again reigned supreme with her continued refusal. If she would just let me! I just don't understand it! Why doesn't she understand that we can avoid the danger in such a simple way?

     Gabriella again felt his teeth, but this time it was not a caress of sorts, it was a warning. "Don't!" she cried.

     "I'm sorry, my love, but I simply cannot lose you again." he said before sinking his teeth into the quickly-pulsing vein in her neck.

     Alarmed, Gabby tried to fight him off of her, but of course, her efforts were in vain. "Stop!" she wailed as she felt herself begin to weaken. "Nate, stop, please!" He refused to obey her request. He's going to kill me!

     "No!" she yelled as she felt for the second time in her life a wave of energy leave her body.

     It threw Nate back, off of her, and onto the floor. He was out cold, she noticed, as she herself could not stop from falling onto the carpet in exhaustion. Before she landed, she also lost consciousness.